Episode 31: Back Again? (or: So Soon?)

So, I apologize for the horrible size/resolution issues with the previous post. You can't even click on most of the pictures to see the full sized versions. I don't know what happened. And I'd repost them, but I did those comics at work and then deleted them out of fear of being yelled at (whoops?), so. Maybe someday I'll do another one or something, I don't know.

Since the weekend starts, for me, on Thursdays after Acct. 1, I feel it's ok to talk about my weekend plans;

Go to this really awesome VAST concert in Lincoln, NE:
VAST is this band which is pretty much just this guy, Jon Crosby. He's got a Bono-like voice and a good ear for musicality. I fell in love with his music almost immediately after graduating from high school and then, before the end of my very first semester here at Drake I caught up on all his released music to date.

Most bands that I like are not mainstream. A lot of people say that, but those people really mean "not mainstr-emo," because they like these emo "bands" that they think no one else listens to, but in the end, every other emo "kid" with "unique tastes" listens to the same "music." Wow, lot of sarcasm-related-quotes there, huh?

Anyhow, my point is, I never see any of the bands that I like live, really, because they are either on a coast or in some other country (i.e. my favorite band, Hooverphonic, who never leaves the Belgium area...), but VAST is doing a show in Lincoln and, well, I'm really excited. I'm taking a camera and will probably get some pictures. But that concert is tonight at 9:30pm, less than 12 hours away. I'm really, really excited.

Dad's Birthday/World of Warcraft
Of course, the day after VAST is the 13th, my father's birthday. Since I am carpooling to the VAST show, and seeing as how I don't think they would really wanna help celebrate my dad's birthday, I will be driving back to Drake after the concert and then - weather permitting - drive home the next day. This sound stupid? It is.

I never remember my dad's birthday. Actually, I only remember my mom's because it, like my own birthday, is on the 5th of a month, and my older brother's birthday because it's five days before mine. Otherwise, I never remember my younger brother or father's birthday, and I never could remember my sister's, either.

So, of course, I got the ticket for the VAST concert months ago, without knowing any better. I is dum.

But! If I go or if I stay here, we are planning on playing World of Warcraft (we: Me, my brothers, and my father in our group of characters named after books of the Bible) Friday night. Nerd, right? Well, I haven't touched the game in over a month because of other things getting in the way. The first few hours of gameplay will involve everyone re-learning their respective characters and, quite frankly, it sounds awesome.

NOTHING ELSE
The rest of the weekend I plan on relaxing until next week, when we'll probably see the end of my life because we're on the downward spiral into finals week. And, quite frankly, I'm not too excited about that.

Episode 30: Garfield is Stupid (or: "Anything You Can Do...")

Jim Davis is the guy that writes and draws the comic strip, Garfield. It used to be funny and had a great cartoon based on it back in the day. But in recent years, I have noticed that the comic strip became stupid and too dumb. Most of the jokes were "Garfield is sleeping," or "Garfield hates Odie," or "Garfield eats something." These were great when they were original or there were new things to do with those jokes, but these days? Not so much. Now the comic isn't even funny anymore.

Anyone could write Garfield better than Jim Davis. And to show you I'm right, I have gone ahead and made edits to strips he has done in the past, and will have a "side-by-side" comparison, with Jim's captions first, and mine right after:

This is boring and too easy a joke to go for. Mine on the other hand, requires you

to use your imagination:

This comic is just dumb. It's not funny, and the only thing that made me laugh

was the fact that Jim Davis probably got paid for it, knowing it wasn't funny.

The reason mine is funny is because it calls into question why

no one ever notices what Garfield says. He is less interested in

the events around him, and more caught up in his own, lonely,

depressing world.

A very common "Garfield is sleeping" joke, in which I at least
make it original.

Garfield is always depicted as a jerk. So, if he was putting on a show,

of any kind, wouldn't he be a jerk while doing it? Also, whoever threw

that boot is doing us all a favor.

John, Garfield's owner, is always depicted as never having much luck with

the ladies. And maybe this is because he has a large-lip fetish:

She is french because of that beret:

And then we have this gem:

I can only guess that John and Garfield just recently discovered that Odie,

the dog, is actually the Devil, Lord Satan. They both figure they should kill

the demonic dog, but have no idea how. Suddenly! Odie wakes up, and they

freak out and run away. Then, Satan uses his alone time to watch, what I can

only assume is some kind of strange pornography.

This entire thing would be much easier if there were better clues within the

comic, such as word bubbles or some other common comic-strip tool. So,

I decided to help Jim Davis out and edit some words in at the end.

And there you have it. If you thought any of this was funny (and God help you if you did...) you should go check out an even better sight where a guy explains each and every Marmaduke comic: http://marmadukeexplained.blogspot.com/

It's way funnier.

Have a great weekend!
-Skyler

Episode 29: Here I Am! (or: Computer Let Me Post!)

So, in the past two-ish weeks I've had major difficulty with this site. I would make a full post then go to post it, my little hour-glass would spin and spin and stop and spin and go backwards or something and then spin some more.

Eventually it just stopped spinning and showed me a "page could not be displayed" page and I would hit "BACK" and there'd be an empty post-making screen, fresh and ready for my frustration to be fed right into it. It is safe to say that feed I did. And, in the end, you've heard absolutely nothing out of me in about, oh, that much time.

So, lets go down the list of important things that have happened (complete with [some!] pictures):

1.) Guitar Hero Thing That I Got Second Place At

(yes, i took that picture myself. so what?)
Oh, shoot! Did I give away the ending before I got there? I forgot that some people didn't like spoilers... Whoops.

Anyhow, weeks of practice paid off as I showed the world (read: a handful of people with an equal amount of time to waste) how big a lame nerd I am! Need proof? I didn't think so, but here you go anyhow:
Here we see some jerks playing a video game and being nerds. Seeing as how I'm one of those jerks/nerds, I can't much complain about it, can I?

These guys did ok, but in the end there could be only one first-place winner. And, after that, only one second-place winner. And that was me. Skyler Bartels.
(Note: I only competed in the hard bracket. Had I gone ahead and done the expert bracket like my gut told me, my gut would not be able to tell me anything anymore on account'a it not bein' a member of the livin' no more. Which would have been bad news for me, seein' as how that'd'a killed your's truly as well, now wouldn't'a it?)

2.) GRINDHOUSE!!!!!!!!!1111two
I don't even need to tell you that the new movie out this weekend blew apart my expectations. But I will anyway:

GRINDHOUSE BLEW AWAY MY EXPECTATIONS!

Yeah, it was that great.

3.) ODDS AND ENDS
Kingdom Hearts 2 is a video game for the Playstation 2. It is about 40 hours long and awesome. There is a newer, better version out in Japan that I want to be able to buy in this country.

I really dig Peter Gabriel right now. US is a great album. If you don't know who Peter Gabriel is, I am not your friend.

I had a mediocre Easter. I'm not saying that I hated it. But let's pretend I did.

My brothers are pretty much the coolest people in the world.

Skyler... out!

Episode 28: A Very Skyler Christmas (or: Guitarnament)

Expect a post here about the Guitar Hero 2 tournament, as well as some pictures!

Oh boy!



[ETA: 9PMish]

Episode 27: Why I Hate Cars (or: YAWN!)

So, I'm back from another rousing Spring Break. What lessons have I learned?

1.) Eating that many brownies, that much cake, that many M&Ms, drinking that much soda, etc... It works well when you're a high school student version of Skyler Bartels. But when you're not - when you're the new and "improved" college version of Skyler Bartels - it turns out that all that food is a recipe for dying.
Lesson Learned: I ain't 16 anymore.

2.) College friends are fun to make gross or lewd jokes around, so long as they are cool with it (and mostly when they aren't so cool with it). Watching movies, reading stories for class, etc. becomes far more entertaining when you and your buddy are making perverse jokes. College friends are cool for this. And only college friends.
Lesson Learned: My mother doesn't find those jokes that funny.

3.) Staying up late and playing video games until 4-5am every day, then waking up somewhere between noon and 1 in the afternoon is awesome. Its even more awesome when you're playing awesome games. It's even more awesome when no one tries to stop you. It's the most awesome when you aren't missing anything as a direct result of your poor sleeping pattern.
Lesson Learned: This doesn't work AT ALL in college.

4.) My younger brother has a constant joke where he says he "hates me" and we all laugh about it. Then sometimes he will come up and smack me across the back of the head or insult me in front of everyone, or both. Everyone finds it funny. But when the tables turn and I try to pick on him or call him names in front of my mother, I am instantly the bad guy.
Lesson Learned: I still love tormenting my younger brother, no matter the consequences.

5.) Over Thanksgiving break last semester my car died. Recently my power steering went out. Now the heat/AC isn't working all the time (mostly just blows out hot air, as discussed before). So I decided to drive another vehicle back to school. About two hours down the road, the battery seemingly falls apart and I sit on the road waiting for a tow truck.
Lesson Learned: The movie "Cars" is way more fun than the real thing.

So, that's that. I'm really tired and have to go to work now. So, see you fine folks again sometime down the line.

Keep it real,
-Skyler

Episode 26: Spring Break (or: Spring Break)

So, I'm on Spring Break. That's right, me. Skyler Bartels. Spring Break. What's that mean? I'll tell you.

BROWNIES

It means lots and lots of BROWNIES. So many BROWNIES your head would spin off your shoulders and fly about the room. That's a lot of BROWNIES and also kind of embarrassing.

I've been spending break catching up on some homework, getting ready for a nasty huge paper to turn in next week, getting my Acct stuff taken care of (finally) and then readin' and readin' and readin' some more. Fantastic!

But don't think for a moment that I've forgotten about my little Guitar Hero II contest when I get back! Because I have, and I don't want you thinking about it. Thinking about it means you'll remember it, then maybe talk to me about it. And if you talk to me about it, chances are good you'll ask how the practice is going. And if you ask that, I'll have to tell you I haven't practiced it once all break, and have instead been playing The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion and the Wii Zelda game. And if you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want some milk!

And somewhere in that he needed to shave, if I remember right.

Tomorrow I collect my younger brother who has spent his entire break on a college band tour. Then I spend one more day eating millions of BROWNIES and then I head back for the place I call "home" to end out the year.

All in all, I'd give this break a BROWNIE-out-of-10. Because I like BROWNIES and recurring jokes.

Episode 25: Pain Island II: Return of Pain Island (or: I Hate My Car)

So I had to go to the Art Center on Grand for my art history class and, as I pull out of my parking spot to get out of there and go back to my room to take a nap, I hear this groan and a short, staccato screech. Then my power steering goes out. Fantastical! Let's take a look, now, into the past at all the problems I've had with this car since I've got it:
-car was purchased without an antenna
-CD player was installed, proceeded to short out my front speakers
-front speakers were fixed, but got fried within three months
-tires go flat faster than is possible
-air conditioning sometimes just blows hot air. as if the vents are connected to Hell itself
-engine overheats, blows up
-power steering goes out
TOTAL: $A BILLION
...and this is all within about two years.

To top off my wonderful day, I missed the chance to see 300 again (yes, it'd be worth it) and to make matters worse, my personal computer's processor is overheating like mad, so I am not even about to use it right now.

But, yesterday had some good moments, too. The best was, of course, watching LOST on ABC. Another great episode. I also got some - very brief - nap time. Which was amazing.

Now, all I have to do is pay a $700THOUSAND dollar car repair bill (note: remove the THOUSAND) and I can go home for Spring Break.

That's right. You heard me. Skyler's crazy Spring Break plans for this year are to go home, eat a bunch of brownies, and sleep and sleep and sleep'n'sleep.

AAAAWWWWW YEAH