Episode 13: Adrift (or: The Waves of Change)

I came to the realization this evening that I am in a pivotal moment of change. With a new minor, new ventures on the horizon in terms of academia, extra-curricular activities, and possible career goals, life itself has never been so open and yet so closed at the same time for me.

If time is like a river that flows and flows... and we are adrift in said river, than life itself is the ship we sail. And all rivers eventually end at the ocean. The saddest fact about this journey is that neither ship nor sailor will ever reach the ocean, for the vast sea... she is the unattainable... she is enlightenment. But if we strive in our perilous quest for our glorious end result, we can make it close.

We can plan our course as best as we can, but change can move us in strange directions, and the waves of change are hitting me harder than before. In one mindset, they are steering me off course. But in another mindset altogether, one could see it as divine intervention, with the waves crashing against me and pushing me into a new branch of the river that I didn't even know was there, full of new sights to see and wonders to behold.

Life is a mystery, though. She moves and she moves... And yet she moves not by our control, but by that of an unseen captain, a hand guiding our vessel downstream with no worry about the treacherous waters before us. All we can do is watch and pray... Pray that the captain knows best.

I am not a God-fearing of even God-believing-in man, by any account, but to say there is nothing guiding my ship but me instills far too much fear in me. I do not want that kind of control over everything, that much responsibility. And really, when one thinks about it, how much control does any of us have over the occurrences and experiences of our own lives?

I know not where this journey will lead, but I am aware of my own excitement toward discovery. Someday soon I will look back on where I've been and realize that paths taken were never as scary as I had perceived oh so many weeks and months and years ago.

A life is a small amount of time we are given, and it's end is rarely in our control. But if the right choices are made, and at the right time, then even factoring in the grand mystery of it all and one's complete inability to have any say in it's flow, we shall at least remain confident that we provided our captain with a proper direction, for if we are not the captain of our vessel, then surely we are its compass.

North or South, East or West... we must guide ourselves as best we can down time's eternal river, until either sea or death claims us.