Episode 7: The Adventures of Ethics in Tactland (or: Me n' my Morals)

So, we come at last to another year of complaints and embarrassments, defeats and forfeits, withdrawals and upsetting news.

Yes indeed, I'm talking about my (in)ability to stay true to my new year's resolution!

As stated previously, my major resolution each year is to remain in the state of "Awesome" that I am in 9/10ths of the time. But this year - oh boy! this year - I'm going all out with a grand plan that is...

NOT BEING VULGAR OR CRASS

For the past number of years I have made an effort to being far more unsettling in public, more rude, crude, and full of 'tude... oh, sweet man alive did I just say "full of 'tude?" And then leave it in this post? And then write about my disbelief as if I were having a conversation, or saying this out loud?

Anyhow, this was all in an attempt to do two things;
1) Become far more funny. This is only, of course, because of
2) A need to emulate both popular culture and the vocabulary/general practice of my peers.

Since this has become so ingrained in me, however, I have become finding it increasingly difficult to not be crude at times, which seriously upsets some people (mostly my parents) because they don't generally like to hear such words and/or thoughts.

But the main reason I'm going forth with this is not to appease these people, but simply because there is absolutely no need for this kind of "mindset+vocabulary=dirty thoughts 24/7" mentality. I used to live under the illusion that these things were "just words" and all that rot, and they are. But its the meaning put behind them. While I don't really mean it when I say "I'da ****** her up the ***," someone overhearing it, or someone of high moral values (i.e. anyone from the Catholic church) might think otherwise and put me in a pit and stone me until I die.

So, in an effort to appease people around me and in an attempt to better myself, I am doing away with vulgarity as best I can. So far I am doing pretty poorly, but I'm learning fast. The problem is catching myself before I say something. Today, at work, I had to stop myself from saying "I kicked 'im right in the *** (<-- this is "ass," by the way, making the *'s totally pointless)!" to my manager while telling a story.

Instead, at the last possible second (and while holding the word "the" for an incredibly awkward length of time), I replaced the swear with "rear-end!" This of course met with questioning looks, but those that understood what had happened knew what was up.

So, if in the near future you chat with me and you notice long pauses between words, words being dropped, or me yelling at myself because I said a "dirty" word, understand that its all for the benefit of pointlessly bettering myself.

Happy New Year.