Episode 44: Nostalgia (or: Blogging is Cool?)

Sometimes there is simply no place for me to vent about my extreme issues. This is typically good, though, since... as a worrier of great magnitude, being unable to vent gives me ample time to reflect on my issues and deal with then in a far more normal and healthy manner. This is different than what I almost always like to do, which is to simply call upon my old 'talking diary' (who was actually a good friend of mine over MSN messenger, not one of those prepubescent toy journal things girls used to have, although I'm not sure if they made talking ones or if I'm simply wishing they had) and vent and rant and rant and vent for hours.

These days, my diary... she's gone, has moved on. And while I'm sometimes sad about this fact, it just means that I have to find a new outlet for my pent up frustrations about life, school, girls, friends, trouble, family, school, life, and school.

Back in high school, pre-talking diary, my most often used resource was my old Xanga page. If you could go back and read some of the things I wrote about, you'd probably short circuit. Anything was fair game, back in those days.

Now I not only find myself without my diary, but blogging is - for the most part - simply not about that, anymore. Now I talk about what I've been up to, what movies I've seen, how many brownies I've eaten, etc. I can't share my thoughts on the world at large and all the people and problems within it because those people and those problems and that world has easy access to it, and can judge or mistake or read too much into the things I write.

For instance, I am really dying to talk about a person I know's apparent recent life choice and how funny I think their poor decision making skills and timing are. But I can't. That person could read and might misinterpret it. So, the blog is out.

And I re-learned recently (I keep forgetting this fact, for some reason) that my friends sometimes share things with people, and since ever since high school all my friends have somehow known all my other friends through strange connections, I can't share my thoughts with a new 'talking diary', which is both maddening and comforting, because it'd suck if my thoughts got back to the person in question.

At times like these, when I can't sleep... and I can't think... and I can't focus or concentrate or anything... I'd like to listen to music. Or play through Half-Life 2. Or watch an Indiana Jones movie. Or something... but everyone is sleeping and I've got a haircut in the morning and work tomorrow night and the ever looming stress of people and things and the world hanging above my head at all times.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, this isn't a post about anything in particular. It's a post about how it can't be. And why my blog is usually filled with jokes or non-sequiturs or puns or anecdotes, instead of important life events that happen to me or people I know.

I need to sleep. I need to listen to Hooverphonic. I need to get better at playing guitar. I need to get out of summer and into school, where my life can get back on a track... of any sort.

Sorry for the lengthy, over-worded post about stuff you won't care about.

I just felt the need to vent a little.